I accomplished so much in 2018. It should have been my year. I grew my business more than I could have ever imagined, traveled, got to collaborate on dream projects (hello Betsey Johnson), had wonderful clients, and got so many home features both online and in print. But all my successes were overshadowed by someone who was unsupportive, jealous, and most of all — abusive.
I’m opening up on the blog today with an open letter to myself for the new year. This might be too personal and some people might judge me for sharing but lately, the internet/Instagram has been leaving me feeling a little inauthentic. It’s really hard to create perfect things that are meant to inspire people when your whole life has just fallen apart. The internet can be a little too perfect sometimes and we’re all humans that ARE NOT perfect. We should be inspiring each other and lifting one another up through all sorts of things in life, not just the perfect moments.
This is my corner of the internet and I want to use it to heal. I also want to use it to inspire others, especially women, who might be in a bad situation like I was. Abuse, no matter what kind, is not acceptable.
I am thankful that I get another chance and a fresh start going into a brand new year.
I am thankful for all the positive things in my life and proud of all of my accomplishments. Today I leave behind all the negative. The past is in the past and it has no place beside me in 2019.
I noticed that you haven’t been yourself lately. There’s been a lot on your plate and you’ve been having trouble keeping up. But don’t despair, please stay hopeful. Everything is going to come back. Your peace, your confidence, your joy, and the pink light which fills your heart. I know you feel like you’ve lost yourself and like the world and your whole life are crumbling down around you, but this is just a phase. It will pass.
This is just one chapter in the story you’re writing and when this chapter ends, you will find yourself once more.
You feel like you have lost control over your life and like you can’t do anything right. You feel like a fool for always trying to see the best in people and letting these toxic people tear you down again and again. You feel disappointed in yourself for allowing someone to treat you in a such an abusive and awful way for far too long. And you’re right, you deserve so much better.
You feel like you haven’t been living your life because there has been a dark negative cloud hovering over it for quite some time now. But that cloud is about to go away. Nothing lasts forever.
If you feel like you’re about to break down, give up, just remember one thing: you are strong and you are better than this and you can fight against anything that hurts you.
Bad abusive relationships, heartbreaks, failure, unfulfilled dreams, unaccomplished goals — you’ve been through all of this before. We all have.
I know what it’s like to have your heart broken into a million tiny pieces and to have to pick them all up, piece by piece, all by yourself. I have felt what it’s like to be in a one-sided relationship in which your expectations aren’t met. Instead of feeling loved, happy, respected, supported, and fulfilled, you feel lonely, unappreciated, sad, and empty.
We all deserve to be loved. We all deserve to be respected. And we all deserve to be happy.
I know what it’s like to be so close to reaching your goals and then something unexpectedly blows everything up in your face. And then you start thinking, maybe he was right. Maybe you are a stupid, worthless, washed up has been. Maybe you are a loser. This person loved you, right? So their opinion of you must be correct. No.
You can’t let heartbreak and failure tear you down. You can’t walk away from everything you want and everything you’ve worked so hard for. You can not believe the terrible words of an awful ABUSIVE person who is clearly projecting their insecurities on to you. You can not help someone that doesn’t want to change.
You need to remember your strength, resilience, and worth. There are so many people in your life that love and will continue to love you no matter what. And one day you will meet the person who will truly love, respect, and support you, no matter what. And you will be happy. So, so happy. I promise.
Life can be hard and unfair. It can be cruel and draining. People can be mean and hateful. But none of this is permanent. I know it’s hard for you now, but remember that this is just a phase. It is just a chapter, not your whole story.
You haven’t lost yourself, she’s right here. Finish writing this chapter and turn the page forever.
2019 is waiting for you and there are pink skies ahead. Everything is going to be alright.
Happy New Year!
Thanks to each and every one of you for your continued support. Wishing you all the best. Happy New Year! xo